Genetically engineered by the military’s top secret flexibility special forces, Commando’s job was to parachute naked into hostile territory and twist the enemy into pretzels. Roxie Riot recruited him to be H.A.R.D.’s flexibility coach while they both were cross training as ninjas during anger management therapy(they both failed).

Likes: water, lying still for long periods of time, elephant-gods, going fast and breathing slow, people who aren’t afraid to try, girls who don’t hit like girls, any animal with spots, coaches who care enough to yell, and camo-duh!

Dislikes but understands without judgment: yoga spectators, people who think derby is easy and the girls are creampuffs, the cultural fallacy of the lawn, fear based emotions.